Fighting to be a Leaky Vessel

In the time since my last post, the challenges that I have faced have shifted.  I feel like I have found my place amongst the other students and I am finding London as my home for the summer.  No longer am I fighting to fit in, but instead I see where I belong in this group of people.  It has been such a relief, and has strengthened my friendships with the other students.

Instead my challenge is fighting for time with God.  I see how I have left God hanging as I have found my place.  I lost my dependency on God, thinking that everything was sorted out.  As I entered this place, I chose to put the people in program and activities infront of God.

God convicted me of this early on last week, but each day I continued to do the same.  I would spend my evenings watching TV shows or hanging out with the other students, only spending time with God in the mornings.  Everyday God would convict me and everyday I would sink back into those old habits.  Habits that I have done in the past in order to numb my feelings and desires.

Finally, God broke in and reminded me that He came to give me life and life abundantly, not a life of numbness; not a life left in the haze.  He longs to break in and bring me more alive, awakening my longings and desires.  One of these desires that He is awakening in my right now is the longing for more of Him.

Even while choosing other lovers, God has been showing me my need for Him.  I don't think I have ever wanted God more.  I am desperate for Him.  My heart aches for time with Him, to hear His voice, and to feel His presence.  I long to be used as His vessel, to host His presence and see miracles happen.

However, in order to see this happen I must choose to press in.  I have to fight to spend time with Him. That is why I feel God inviting me to spend two hours a day in prayer.  To be filled with His love while soaking in His presence.  In doing this the love of God will be able to flow through me, awakening the lives of the people it touches.

This reminds me of a piece of artwork that I created last summer.  It was made up of three drawings.  In each one was a clay jar and water being poured in it.  The only difference the amount of water being poured in.  Each jar had a different size mouth, so the largest received the most water.  Something else that the jars had in common was that each one had a crack and was leaking water.  However, the one receiving the most water also released the most water through the chip of the jar.

We are the clay jars and the more we open ourselves to God, the more He can flow through us.  I want to be the vessel receiving the most water and leaking He presence onto the people that I encounter.  In order to do that I must soak in His presence and open myself to receive from Him.  I pray that I would be that leaky vessel!!

New Adventure Means New Challenges

So, I've been in London for nearly two weeks and let me tell you, this adventure has not been what I thought it would be.  It has been so much harder!  

When I entered into this grand new adventure I expected fun times, new friends, and great stories to return home with, and the whole time I thought that it would be effortless.  I was so wrong!  Yes, I am having fun times, making new friends, and I'm sure I will have great stories to share with my family and friends when I get back, but it has been difficult. 

In the midst of these challenges, I can see how God is drawing me closer to him.  I feel that in order to just survive I have to cling to my Papa God.  It is so easy to become drained and when that happens I often shut down.  I become numb to my heart, and basically give up.  God has not let that happen so far.  Instead He is leading me down a path that constantly brings me back to Him, but I still have to choose into taking that path.

As I have followed Jesus down this narrow path I have been able to see the Father’s good heart.  I see the way that He is fathering me, as a Dad teaches and encourages his son.  I have also seen how He is wooing my heart back to Himself, as a husband romances His bride.  God’s heart for me is good and He truly cares for me. 

Over the past two weeks, I haven’t always felt this much at peace with my challenging adventures.  I have had my fair share of freak out moments, where I have asked God, multiple times, “Why?”  Why did He bring me here?  Is this a punishment?  Does He actually love me?  If so, why I am here in London and not with my community back at home? 

Through my tears and anger God still spoke to me.  He asked me to trust Him.  To trust that His plan for me here in London, is good.  He gave me a picture of a father holding his crying infant in the night.  The father was holding his child close to his chest whispering, “Hush my child, it will all be alright.  When have I left you hungry?  When have I not comforted you?  I have always been there for you, even before the beginning of time.”

This picture and these words gave me peace.  Although I still struggle daily to trust my Father, I come back to His promises and can trust that He will never leave me, nor forsake me.  He is my Papa God, leading me down this great adventure.  Drawing me closer to His heart.  Inviting me to take the next step with Him, even if the way seems unclear.  He is asking me to trust Him, and that is what I am choosing to do!

It would be too hard to share with you everything that God has been doing in my heart.  This is just a glimpse at the marvelous work He is up to in my life although I want to share with you one more thing.

Even though it has been a struggle living here in London, I see how God is growing my heart for this city.  Every morning I eat breakfast and look out our kitchen window, watching this busy city.  My heart breaks for the people here.  I long for them to see the living God, who loves them and desires to call them His own.  I ask that you would join me in praying for this city.  That God would come and open eyes and soften hearts, that He would be welcomed here to move in new ways, ways that this city has never seen before. 

I feel called to pray Psalm 67 over London, every day from now until I leave, and I'm inviting you to join me! 

A New Adventure!

Hello All!

So last summer I shared about my experience in Kansas City as I was able to love and serve the people of the inner city.  It was a life changing experience!  This summer I decided to travel to London, England on Central College's Study Abroad program, and today I arrived!!

As I prayed back in the fall, I felt led to come to London in order to set our on new adventures and to have new stories to tell.  I was all excited, but as the date drew closer reality began to sink in and just last week I sat at home, anxious about this journey.  I decided it would be good for me to sit down and spend time praying and processing what exactly I was feeling.  As I did I realized that what I really wanted was to be in control.  I wanted to know everything!  God showed me that I couldn't and I had to trust Him.  He gave me a picture of me falling backwards into His arms, this whole experience was going to be a GIANT trust fall.

As I continued to pray, I felt God's peace cover me from head to foot.  This did not last for long, but instead is something that I was and still am called to choose into.  I have to trust the my Papa God will take care of me!!

God also shared with me a little hint of what to expect from this great big adventure.  The words that He used to defined it were Love and Service.  I thought that this was a little strange, especially since I'm not working in the "mission" field, like I did last summer.  However, I am called to live a life that is missional!  I am called to love all those that I come in contact with, and serve them!  I can't wait to see how God uses me as I live a life of Love and Service here in London!

Last summer I wanted to focused on how God was taking the broken city of KC and turning it into something beautiful, all because He loves every single person in that city.  This summer I believe that God wants me to focus on me.  How is He taking me, a poor peasant boy and transforming me into a Royal Prince, a son of the King of Kings!  So, my blogs this summer will share my adventures here in London, but will focus on how God is rising me up out of the ashes to sit with the Prince of Peace, the King of Kings, and the Lord of Lords!

It is going to be one crazy adventure!!