Fighting to be a Leaky Vessel

In the time since my last post, the challenges that I have faced have shifted.  I feel like I have found my place amongst the other students and I am finding London as my home for the summer.  No longer am I fighting to fit in, but instead I see where I belong in this group of people.  It has been such a relief, and has strengthened my friendships with the other students.

Instead my challenge is fighting for time with God.  I see how I have left God hanging as I have found my place.  I lost my dependency on God, thinking that everything was sorted out.  As I entered this place, I chose to put the people in program and activities infront of God.

God convicted me of this early on last week, but each day I continued to do the same.  I would spend my evenings watching TV shows or hanging out with the other students, only spending time with God in the mornings.  Everyday God would convict me and everyday I would sink back into those old habits.  Habits that I have done in the past in order to numb my feelings and desires.

Finally, God broke in and reminded me that He came to give me life and life abundantly, not a life of numbness; not a life left in the haze.  He longs to break in and bring me more alive, awakening my longings and desires.  One of these desires that He is awakening in my right now is the longing for more of Him.

Even while choosing other lovers, God has been showing me my need for Him.  I don't think I have ever wanted God more.  I am desperate for Him.  My heart aches for time with Him, to hear His voice, and to feel His presence.  I long to be used as His vessel, to host His presence and see miracles happen.

However, in order to see this happen I must choose to press in.  I have to fight to spend time with Him. That is why I feel God inviting me to spend two hours a day in prayer.  To be filled with His love while soaking in His presence.  In doing this the love of God will be able to flow through me, awakening the lives of the people it touches.

This reminds me of a piece of artwork that I created last summer.  It was made up of three drawings.  In each one was a clay jar and water being poured in it.  The only difference the amount of water being poured in.  Each jar had a different size mouth, so the largest received the most water.  Something else that the jars had in common was that each one had a crack and was leaking water.  However, the one receiving the most water also released the most water through the chip of the jar.

We are the clay jars and the more we open ourselves to God, the more He can flow through us.  I want to be the vessel receiving the most water and leaking He presence onto the people that I encounter.  In order to do that I must soak in His presence and open myself to receive from Him.  I pray that I would be that leaky vessel!!